Lesbian Personals Directory

The Dating Game: Six min. speed-dating

6/3/2004

The Dating Game: Six min. speed-dating
By Christina Bechhold
Even though I planned on just observing - it definitely was not my age group (25 to 39), and there was no way I was going to make a match - speed-dating was one of the best things I've done in Boston.
Sandy, the event coordinator I'd spoken with on the phone, greeted me outside the restaurant and told me she was a little embarrassed: All the men had shown up, but only two of the women. Some imbalance is actually normal; more men sign up for most of her events. She introduced me to her husband, Paul, who was in charge of registration, and Debbie, a representative of the hotel where the event took place. When I told Debbie I was there just to observe, she encouraged me to jump in and try it out; I could experience the process and ask the real pre-daters a few questions. When she was researching speed-dating, hoping to bring it to the hotel, she participated and made a few matches herself. So, I grabbed a nametag and a table, took a deep breath, and got ready for some small talk.
Speed-dating is like a highly efficient cocktail party. The coordinators are the hosts, the singles the guests. There's a bar and complimentary hors d'oeuvres. But instead of wandering the room, hoping your host introduces you to someone interesting, you are guaranteed to spend a few minutes talking to everyone.
Our hosts, Sandy and Paul, actually met through a personal ad. They became event coordinators because they want to help other singles meet and match. Sandy told me the singles at their events are from a "fun, hip, urban crowd," or, as Paul said, "not just dateless losers." And it shows: most of their guests see at least 25 percent of their matches reciprocated.
Speed-dating is more accurately a series of pre-dates. Unlike traditional matchmaking, it's all about instant attraction. The event determines chemistry; the rest is up to you. Each guest is given a nametag and a number (I was three) that corresponds to the number on a table. The evenings are first names only. Everyone receives a sheet of paper, blue for men and pink for women, which has a grid. You write down each person's name next to his or her number, and then can circle "match," "friend/business," or neither, depending on how well you get along. At the end of the night, you turn in your sheet and if you make a match, you receive that person's e-mail address the following day. Each pair gets six minutes to chat, at the end of which your host rings a bell and the men rotate, moving on to the next table and the next pre-date.
Other companies I researched had pre-dates last from one to five minutes, so when Sandy told me these were six minutes, I was a little nervous. What am I going to talk about for six whole minutes? What if I can't think of anything to say? What if he can't think of anything to say? But six minutes flies, even when you're talking to someone with whom you have little in common.
My first pre-date was with John. While he was a little surprised when I disclosed I was there to write a newspaper column about dating, we eventually developed a rapport when Boston College athletics came up.
Speed-dating lesson No. 1: Relax. By the time the bell rang, John and I were both more comfortable, making every other date much easier.
My third pre-date was with a BC grad, Howard. A very opinionated fellow, we spent our six minutes discussing major school issues. While he and I held very different views, we certainly had plenty to talk about; he approached me during the 10 minute break and after the event to continue our conversation. Speed-dating lesson No. 2: Keep an open mind. You'll undoubtedly have dates in whom you have little or no interest, as friends or otherwise, but the date can still be fun and interesting.
Not everyone I met was receptive to my age and reason for being there. Elvis, a physician, made jokes about my asking questions only to have material for my article, and was guarded when I asked him about his work and interests. Even though most of my family is in medicine and we both enjoy travel, we never seemed to connect. Speed dating lesson No. 3: Let your guard down. It's the only way to make a match.
My favorite pre-date was with Bob. Bob is a physicist, a certified wine specialist, and even took a CPA exam because he was interested in learning about investment. We discussed travel, history, art, everything we could think of about culture in our few minutes together. In many ways we were complete opposites, but our personalities matched perfectly. Speed-dating lesson No. 4: Throw away your preconceptions. You'll be in for a great surprise.
Nervous? Sign up with a bunch of friends, be on time, grab a drink, and think of a few easy topics to discuss. Anything will do, from hobbies to sports to current events, even something as simple as "is this your first time speed-dating?" Smile and have fun. At the very least, it's a great opportunity to meet new people and practice your conversation skills. Another popular service, Hurry Date (hurrydate.com) is having an event for 21+ on April 28. And if you're looking for a college-only crowd, watch for a Pre-Date (pre-dating.com) event next fall; I'm such a fan, I'm helping to organize one

Lesbian Personals Directory - Fetish